Dying Young

Dear Mummy

when i was talking to stuart last night he told me he was going to die young. he said he just 'knew'. i told him i just wanted to reach 37 - that would make me one year older than you.

i think there are hidden blessings in dying young. no one ever remembers you with wrinkles. you never have to forget peoples names or places you've been. no one has to take you to the toilet and lift you out of bed.

then again you miss out on lots too. years and years of memories. i finished watching skins yesterday. at the end of the second season chris died. he had a tumour in his brain or something. his girlfriend had chosen to abort their baby because it was hereditary, and then she was left with nothing.

earlier in the series chris tried his hand at a house agent - he sold houses by asking people if this was the house they wanted to make their memories in. was this the house they wanted to see when they looked back at the time their daughter first walked, or mad new years parties, or sex on the kitchen table. chris based his pitch on memories.

there were a lot of memories of chris, he was a druggie. abandoned by his parents, expelled from college. but his father didnt want to remember him that way so he banned chris's friends from attending the funeral in case they caused a riot. the 'christopher miles' he buried was not the chris who lived. who lived life to the full. he died young but he had lived fast and lived hard. at the end his friends set off fireworks.

they will always remember him as a young fun loving, party going, fuck-up of a guy! and he will live forever in those memories. dying young is not something i would wish on anyone, but i know that you left us with beautiful memories and wonderful times to look back on. i know that in dying, you lost all that pain that had been haunting you for years. and i know you didnt give in sooner because you loved us.

and even though you never saw us leave high school, never saw ruth in the school play, or heard her speak in church. even though you will never see us get married, or meet your grandchildren, i know that none of us will ever forget you or let you really leave us. because you're in here - i can feel you with every heartbeat. and i know that the life you led, and the memories you left, were those of the best kind.

those who are loved will never die. the loved will live forever.

heather xoxox